The Suikoden's Traveller Guide To Tokyo
by Baka Neko
Summary: The cast of Suikoden 2 go to Tokyo.


** FIRST, IT MUST BE YOUR DESTINY**

"You have gathered all the 108 Stars of Destiny" Leknaat spoke, "it is therefore time. You must go to Tokyo, Riou. It is your destiny."

Leknaat paused, fighting the odd feeling of deja vu. She could see the future, and it was looking like a giant migraine.

**A WISE TRAVELLER ALWAYS PREPARES FOR THE JOURNEY**

"...And no, we're not carrying any stinking furs either," Viktor roared. "Do I look like a packhorse to you? Do you think I'm going to haul 20 dead deer bones across time and space and alternate universes on the off chance they might need 20 dead deer bones? If they even have dead deer over there? Huh? Huh?"

**CHOOSE YOUR COMPANIONS WISELY **

"Alright, fearless leader, who will be joining your party?" Leona asked. "I've got warriors, I've got mages, I've got...flying squirrels in a formation..."

Despite having short limbs, the Flying Squirrel Sentai Squad led by Mukumuku were surprisingly good in their poses.

Riou shook his head frantically. His arms couldn't possibly bend like that.

**THE JAPANESE HAVE A SAYING: THE NAIL THAT STICKS UP GETS HAMMERED DOWN. THEREFORE, YOU MAY WISH TO DRESS TO BLEND IN**

"I would sooner die than wear a rubber dragon suit!"

"But it would be perfect!" Nanami protested.

"Are you sure these Japanese wear things like this?" Futch demanded.

Nanami handed him the stack of _International Cosplay Magazine_. "See, they're all dressed like this!"  
Futch flipped it open. Then boggled. Then hastily shut it. "...But, but, I can't possibly fight like this!"

"Bright will be happy to fight alongside you," said Nanami coaxingly.

There was a loud crash, and both heads whipped around as Sasuke came storming out of the dressing room, followed by Millie. "But you would look so cute!" she wailed.

"KILL YOU!" Sasuke howled. He ripped off the black kitty ears and tail, and started tearing through the laundry hamper for his ninja clothing. His high-necked, highly concealing ninja clothing. He was feeling rather drafty down there, in part because the shorts were really, really short.

He came up empty. "CLOTHES?" he demanded.

Millie sniffled, smoothing down the abandoned tail. "Oh, Bonaparte ate them."

"GAAARGH!"

**WHEN YOU GET THERE, TOKYO WILL USUALLY BE UNDER INVASION**

"BWAHAHAHA! I WILL RULE THE WORLD!"

Riou squinted at the tiny, metallic figure standing on top of Tokyo Tower. Below him, there was a group of caped figures draped over the struts like a bad photo shoot. One of the several caped figures, sporting a long, blonde pony-tail, spotted him and waved.

"How the hell did they get here?" Viktor demanded.

**EVEN SO, THERE'S ALWAYS TIME FOR A COOK-OFF**

"Hai Yo, I challenge you to a cook-off" cried a boy. "With the power of the _Cooking Boy Master Manga_ I will defeat you!"

"I accept!"

**THIS IS BECAUSE THE ENEMY WILL WAIT ON YOU, POSSIBLY BECAUSE THERE IS SOME KIND OF DRUG IN THE AIR OF TOKYO. EVEN INSANE, PYROMANIACAL, BLOODTHIRSTY MADMEN WILL TAKE FIVE.**

Chaco hated being treated like some kind of messenger boy, but on the other hand, Luca Blight just wasn't Luca Blight without the insane laughter. Currently the mad king of Highland was stripped to his skivvies, getting a massage and a lot of soothing tea for his throat. Producing mad laughter that could be heard for miles was no easy work.

"Yeah, they'll probably need another 3 hours," Chaco told Jowy. "Some kid called Azuma challenged Hai Yo to a baking competition."

Luca scowled irritably. "Get me another bottle of that lemongrass massage oil and a mocha with raspberry ripple and cream, and call me when it's time."

**IF YOU ARE A HERO, YOU ARE EXPECTED TO DEMONSTRATE YOUR PHYSICAL PROWESS**

"...puff...how...many...puff...more...stairs"

"...just..pant..keep...climbing..."

"..puff...isn't...there...a...puff...elevator"

"...it...huff..broke..down..."

"...don't...we...puff...have...Adlai? Why...huff...can't he...fix...puff...it"

"The...stupid..sign...said: 'FOR PLOT REASONS'..."

**THERE SHOULD BE A GODZILLA. SOMEHOW, SOMEWHERE.**

"With the power of Gadget and my Trick Rune, I'll take us up the Tokyo Tower in a jiffy!" Meg crowed and slapped her glowing hand down on top of Gagdet's head. The rune flared.

Gagdet glowed. And then he started to grow. And grow. And grow.

"Aieeeee?" said Meg, very faintly and from very far away. A flock of startled birds hastily made way for Gadget's head. "Gadget, I demand you un-mutate right now!"

Gagdet-zilla processed this new information. Then despite being made of barrels and no lizard dna whatsoever, he shifted gears and headed straight for Tokyo Tower.

**IN TOKYO, YOUNG SCHOOLGIRLS TRANSFORM INTO SUPERHEROES WITH THE POWER OF LOVE. WHAT LOVE HAS TO DO WITH IT NOBODY KNOWS, BUT IT COULD BE THE PR0N INVOLVED DURING THE TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE.**

There was a rush of footsteps behind; the soldiers, already unnerved, all jumped with pikes at ready. He turned to see Riou's party burst out onto the observation platform-- and collapse, panting heavily.

"Fuck Adlai" said a muffled voice from the heap, which Jowy recognised as Viktor. "Of all fucking times for the elevator to break down..."

"Jowy...puff...you...have...to...puff...stop" Nanami wheezed, climbing to her feet. "You can't sacrifice innocent people!" She posed dramatically, an effect entirely spoiled by the short pink kimono and the plastic pink sticks topped off with a white cat head that was apparently her weapon.

The entire party, which was still getting slowly and wearily to their feet, were all dressed...oddly.

"What are you wearing?" Jowy demanded.

"We...had to disguise ourselves as Japanese to sneak in," Nanami answered automatically. "We didn't want to scare the citizens." She waggled the staff, which was possible the most disturbing shade of pink Jowy had ever seen. "It worked really well though; they pretended not to see us when we walked in. But everybody wanted Kasumi's autograph for some reason. Something about seeing traditional ninjas for the first time."

"Right." Jowy replied, staring. Viktor had staggered to his feet wearing red samurai armour and was looking rather like a kettle reaching boiling point. Flik was barely recognisable in his matching blue armour, whereas the others were all...wearing something. What it was, Jowy didn't have a clue, except it contained far too many primary colours and some rather buglike helmets. He was surprised the citizens hadn't fallen over howling with laughter. Obviously, someone hadn't done their research.

"Should we attack, sir?" hissed one of the Highland soldiers, understandably unnerved.

"Wait," Jowy murmured back imperiously, then raised his voice. "Riou?"

Nanami finally realised their fearless leader wasn't with them, and reached into the stairwell to drag Riou out, who emerged without struggling too much, and Jowy was baffled. Riou actually looked like he could pass for one of the civilians in the street, since he was dressed in dark pants and a cream coloured sweater. He was also wearing a really awkard looking bracelet on his wrist and an embarassed look.

"...Do you not want to stop me, Riou?" Jowy asked.

Still looking mortified to death, Riou nodded.

"Then I'm afraid you'll have to go through me!" said Jowy grimly and raised his arm.

The Highland soldiers prepared to charge.

The really weird-looking bracelet on Riou's wrist started to glow. Nanami gasped and said "All of you, CLOSE YOUR EYES OR I KILL YOU."

Jowy didn't.

Once the glow faded away though, both sides were too busy whacking away to notice his pole-axed expression. He didn't snap out of it until Riou finally cut his way through, and then he automatically brought his staff up to block.

"Duel with me Riou!" Jowy snapped. "We will put an end to it today! And...really, I have to know, were you really naked during transformation, or was I just seeing things?"

**IN TOKYO, YOU MAY WISH TO PURCHASE A FACE-MASK. WHILE THIS WILL HELP YOU COPE WITH THE POLLUTION, IT WILL ALSO HELP WHEN YOU ARE RANDOMLY ASSAULTED BY STORMS OF FLOATING WHITE FEATHERS OR SAKURA PETALS.**

Jowy spat out yet another white feather and hastily raised his arm to shield his face from the sudden torrent of sakura petals that had apparently dropped out of the sky. Surely sakura trees didn't grow on clouds? In any case, they were spending more time trying to bat the damn things away more than they were actually trying to find and hit the enemy.

"Retreat!" he yelled hoarsely, and choked on yet another mouthful of pale pink petals.

**IN CONCLUSION, YOUR TRIP TO TOKYO WILL BE FUN AND EXCITING. YOU MAY PREFER HOWEVER, TO PLAN FOR ONE WHEN IT IS NEITHER DESTINED NOR FOREORDAINED.**

When Leknaat reappeared again, Riou threw mochi at her until she went away. **  
**


End file.
